Drew and Becca in the snow

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March 18, 2004
Sooo Sweet!
Drew and I went on a maple syrup tour yesterday at a vinyard/orchard. It was so beautiful we were the first to go through after freshly fallen snow. I know I've complained about snow alot this Winter but there really is nothing like a Maple syrup tour in a snow fall, So romantic.
We should actually consider this place as a wedding site. There were so many beautiful places on the property and an amazing place where we could have a reception. It was their Pancake house. It is only open durring Maple syrup season. I havn't found them anywhere on the internet and I don't think they have ever thought of hosting weddings, so maybe we can do it cheaper.
We will have to go back to look at it again in the spring, I know everything looks good when you have your mouth full of maple sugar treats!

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March 17, 2004
Familly Secrets
I found it hard for me to sleep last night. My head was whirring with thoughts, some exciting, some nervous. All because of a conversation I had with my mother last night.
My mother had re-kindled a tie of communication with her mother’s side of the family. She hasn’t spoken with them for nearly 10 years for reasons I don’t know. But I think what motivated her was the house my great-grandfather (her mothers father) had built has gone up for sale.
I think she started having all these memories of her childhood when she saw the “For Sale” posting. Then she called her uncle and got together with her uncle and cousins for a lunch. She was able to catch up with them and discover and partly uncover some of her own history.
My mother and I have never had the easiest of mother-daughter relationships. There has always been friction and we have often both tried not to step on each other’s toes. We have caused each other a lot of heartache. But I’ve always felt it’s been rooted beyond us. I have always felt that this friction lives in our past, in our family in some secret.
I have been studding Child and youth work and there are all these theories on how we learn and how we behave. There is the constant Nature vs. Nurture debate in theme. How our development is shaped by how we live and what we inherit. I think it also effects how we problem solve and what emotional burdens we carry with us. I feel family is the root of how we grow, and who we will become.
My father’s side of the family, to me anyway, has always seemed to be the more emotionally open side. At weddings and family functions for my father’s side I would receive more hugs, more cheek pinching, I would see ore tears and more smiles. There is no secret as to how this side of the family feels. This side of the family, for the most part, remains in more contact with each other when you consider extended family.
My Mothers side of the family has had very few large family functions. Our gatherings have mostly revolved around my mother’s immediate rather than extended family at Christmas and thanksgiving. . This side of the family seems more emotionally reserved. There have been barriers in the past between “The Adults” and “The Kids” This is where you will find the more cool headed British attitudes with the family hierarchy to boot. While there is a barrier between generations, they maintain contact with conference calls and occasional visits. Private life is rarely discussed, and although the details are not secret, they will not be disclosed unless there’s really good reason. Just because your curious is not good enough. So there are many things about this side of the family you don’t know and are never revealed ( I guess they may as well be a secret)
Well anyway the thoughts that were keeping me awake were hopes my mom keeps this line of communication open. I know there are many things she never got to know about her mother before her mother passed away while she was in her early adolescence. There are details that were never discussed about my grandmother’s life. My mother’s memories of this very important person in her life are confined to that of the perspective of a child.
These gaps to her probably still feel like secrets. These things were never appropriate to ask her family because they were “personal” and she was “the kid” while they were “the Adults” I think my grandmother left some secrets behind, some emotional burden she never solved. I think that has carried onto my mother, and further into our relationship. I hope as she uncovers these secrets, and works out all the kinks. I hope the uncovering of these secrets will lift up our friendship and relationship with each other. Maybe my mother will get to know her own mother from an adult perspective.
And hopefully, these secrets won’t be left to me to carry them into my marriage and one day my own family.Posted by becca at March 17, 2004 08:00 PM